Generation Z: Young women rely on friendships rather than relationships

Young women are tired of constant disappointment. They don’t always get together with men, but rely on their girlfriends. “I’ve never questioned love in my friendships,” says student Pauline. Graphic designer Janina values ​​the “close connection” with her friends, a feeling she doesn’t think is possible with a romantic partner. Inara is tired of superficial get-together meetings. She says she’s tired of all the online dating. For Generation Z, stable relationships with friends, family and themselves are at least as desirable as the search for “great love” – ​​or even more so. But why is that?

Young people generally have higher expectations, are more selective when dating, are more relaxed, and seek stability elsewhere. Friendships are becoming more important than romantic relationships, especially for younger generations. The traditional relationship hierarchy among young people appears to be changing. Friendships create the ideal safe environment that dating no longer provides, while also providing breathing room.

A few weeks of endorphin rush, then new situations come along

Tiktok shows how it’s done: groups of girls show off their ‘pheasant holidays’, capture shared joy in ‘jam jar moments’ and celebrate their bond. Others share photos with their best friends and displays of affection that put any romance to shame.

So is Gen Z not just lazy, but also lacking in commitment? After a few weeks of endorphin rushes with their latest Tinder partner, a new dynamic emerges. Inaara, 22, knows this too, at least from the people she’s spoken to: “No one’s looking for something reliable anymore. Everyone’s waiting for a better opportunity that never comes. “I don’t have that feeling with my best friend,” she said.

But can the feelings of many young women be reflected in a universal way? How do today’s younger generations define true love?

While Generation Z spokespeople like singer Paula Hartmann say love is dead, it’s glossed over among older generations — or at least what comes with it. Love in the past was perhaps no more perfect, no more questioned. Anyone who sees marriage as the ultimate goal in life will compromise and lower their standards. But young people often don’t want to do that anymore. With divorce rates high, Generation Z also faces the fact early on that commitment until death does not provide ultimate security.

Pop culture plays a role, too. The conversation about true love and friendship is changing. Gen Z is the first generation to grow up with princeless Disney princesses like “Frozen” and “Moana,” whose stories don’t end with true love’s legendary kiss.

“I left every meeting feeling valued”

“Almost everything I know about love I learned in my long friendships with women,” the author writes. Dolly Alderton In her bestselling book. Pauline, 23, feels the same way about her friendships: “It starts with the greeting: the hug isn’t tight enough, the smile isn’t wide enough.” The student also talks about how she didn’t feel safe even after dating for a long time. “Women are usually more open to each other. I always know where I stand with my friends and how they feel in different situations.”

Perhaps it is this sense of security that young people are looking for in friendships these days, while dating satisfies the need for tension and excitement. Especially with online dating and social media, the possibilities seem endless – but they remain so even if clear boundaries are not set after the first few meetings.

That’s why Inara prefers to avoid too much online dating. She’s tired of the endless doom scrolls: “With my friends, I have a secure foundation that nothing can shake. Even if we argue or don’t talk for months, I know they’re always there when I need them. Show me a man I can do that to so quickly!”

Even scientific studies prove what women like Inaara, Janina and Pauline feel: just thinking about a good friend makes people feel less stressed about their daily problems. The reason may be its non-binding nature: friendship is the only form of interpersonal relationship that does not require legal rules and mutual dependence. Friends individually decide what their relationship looks like, why and how long it lasts. While a person’s relationship patterns are usually similar to those of a changing partner, a wide variety of friendship structures can emerge without making people uncomfortable.

“Is it any wonder that so many relationships have broken down?”

So is it possible to be happy without a man? Spending lots of time with friends and maintaining a healthy relationship don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Relationship experts like Esther Perel suggests that we think more realistically about what we expect from our romantic partners. “We want our committed relationships to be romantically as well as emotionally and sexually satisfying,” she writes. “Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?”

Janina also doesn’t believe that just one person can meet all her needs, which is another reason why she values ​​friends so much. “When you demand that your partner meet all your expectations and wishes, the relationship becomes very difficult.” You can share enough love through the relationships you have with yourself, your family and your friends. «Romantic love? I don’t need it,» Janina says, “although it feels good to be in love.”

So you don’t have to be partnerless, but you can be. It’s about choice. About liberation from an already existing pattern. Romantic love is no longer placed on an unattainable pedestal or seen as an unreachable life goal. “The goal should be to be happy with yourself and your life. A future partner is the cherry on the cake,” Janina says.

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