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As we prepared to interview her, the wind blew across the pond at Hamilton Gardens and three things immediately became clear about Kimi:
She regretted what she had done.
She made no secret of what she had done.
Her three tamariki are her whole world.
She was lively, in a way you might not expect if you only knew the chapter of her life that we define by crime, but her mission in life was to fill that book with newer, better, healthier chapters.
Her TikTok handle is @Mamagheeghee, and her kaupapa has attracted 53,000 followers and 2 million likes.
TikTok has given Paratha a platform to talk about light and darkness, about facing a difficult life that has led her down a dark path.
It was a path that led her to hurt others.
She has been in and out of prison several times, including several years at the Oakland Regional Correctional Facility for Women.
You’ll spend a lot of time thinking about what you think, and you’ll spend a lot of time thinking about what you do.
It also takes a long time to miss your son, he is only 1 year old.
“It breaks my heart that I left him here because of what I did and then to go back there and know that he will not have a mother.”
Parata was inspired to make the most of her time in jail and learn to manage her emotions and behaviors, which would have made her a better person in her past life.
“It wasn’t until I was in prison that I started to understand, gosh, there are other ways to handle these situations, like stop, think and act,” she said.
“I didn’t know this before. I just act, act, act, and then think, strike first, speak later. I’m just learning new ways to handle things, having these tools in my Kete that I never knew growing up.”
She currently lives in Hamilton with her three children and it was in Hamilton Gardens that the 34-year-old decided to publicly and bravely share her story with us.
Early life
Kimi grew up in the “dark side” of Pukekohe, surrounded by alcohol, drugs and gangs.
At the age of nine, she was removed from her mother’s care and placed in Child Youth and Family Services (CYFS) – the old name of Oranga Tamariki.
“I didn’t listen, (I was) rebellious and wanted to do whatever I wanted and not listen to my mom.
“For me, this is an experience I will never forget.”
She moved from one foster home to another, meeting one foster parent after another.
For Kimi, home is not his permanent memory, and time passes by as his foster families keep changing.
While in service, her father was killed in a car accident caused by bad weather in Port Waikato.
His mum is a truck driver and Kimi’s love for her dad is obvious; she calls him “one of the best (truck) drivers in Pukekohe”.
His death had an expectedly profound impact on Paratha.
“It was a hard blow to me and it made the dark path I was already on even darker.
“I found myself in a difficult situation. No one could save me,” she said.
Adolescence
Parata attends Felix Donnelly College (FDC), a boarding school for pupils with a range of social, learning and behavioural problems that cannot be addressed in mainstream schools. Many of the children attending the school are looked after by the Children, Youth and Families Agency.
Parata expressed her love for Kula, where she learned a lot and was at the top of her class in written expression, but she still faced some challenges and escaped from FDC several times.
It was during these years that Paratta spent a year in a youth prison in Christchurch. Not long after, she was incarcerated in another youth prison in Garden City for several months.
“I was angry at the world and I was holding it all in and not being able to express how I really felt,” she said. “Blaming others, not myself, I was sad and had a lot of pain inside, a lot of pain inside, and that pain lasted for a long, long time.”
Parata left juvenile hall at age 14, but she was far from safety and was sexually assaulted multiple times.
She confided in her best friend from high school what had happened, and the police got involved. The attacker was arrested and sentenced to prison.
Adult life
In his first few years as an adult, Parata had little respite.
She was surrounded by drugs and alcohol and was in a toxic relationship.
The whole world seemed to be trying to deceive her, and she hated it.
Deprived of a childhood and stressed out by the torment she endured as a teenager and the fact that adulthood had not gotten any easier, Paratha felt resentful and she broke down.
She committed a crime that she regretted.
“I ended up hurting someone else, another adult.
“I was badly injured and he’s lucky to be alive today.”
She and several of her accomplices were arrested and sentenced for the crime.
“At sentencing, I was very honest and spoke openly about what I had done wrong. All I could feel was tremendous pain, like I had been hit hard on the head. The judge looked at me and said to me, ‘You’re not a bad person. I know you just made a bad choice, a poor choice, and unfortunately, you have to live with the consequences.’
“I just cried. I cried because I knew he was right and if I had chosen a better way, the right way, I could have changed the outcome,” she said.
Repairing the past
The time in jail became a time of repentance for Paratha.
While speaking with the victim of the crime, she apologized to him and understood how her actions had impacted his life.
“I didn’t realise how much pain I was causing him. He was having sleepless nights and was afraid to leave the house.”
It was a difficult time for everyone involved, but for Paratha, it was a touching and farewell moment.
“He told me to my face how he felt and how I made him feel, and that really woke me up.
“It made me ask myself, ‘Why did you do that? You screwed up.’ But I promised myself from that day forward that I would never do that again and never hurt anyone again.”
It was a promise she had always kept, but if it wasn’t healed, those wounds and dissatisfaction with the world would have to go somewhere.
And when she was released on parole, she used the harm she had caused herself to make up for the harm she had caused to others.
abyss
In her own words, being released on parole and reentering society for the first time was like being thrown into the deep end of a swimming pool.
“I’m really nervous. I’m having anxiety here and there’s no support. Just ‘Here you go, see you later. Take care of yourself.'”
After being given a second chance at life, she ended up becoming addicted to methamphetamine.
“When I got out of prison, that was all I wanted, being burned was my way of coping and relieving the pain.
“But addiction is real and we will fight to get a puff or buy a pack of cigarettes. You know, I did all sorts of incredible things to satisfy my addiction,” Parata said.
The methamphetamine offences also meant Kimi had breached his parole and had to return to prison.
keep clean
After being released from jail for the second time, Parata gave up his drug addiction and had only one goal in mind.
She wants her children back from Oranga Tamariki and knows there can be no shortcuts in getting them back.
“(I) really fought for them. (I had to) prove that I was healthy enough to be a mother, that I was clean, off meth, cigarettes, drugs and alcohol.”
It’s hard work, but it’s worth it.
She has been drug-free for three years and attributes her success to the example she wants to set for her peers.
“I want to be that kind of mother in their lives, I want to be that role model for them, I want my kids to know that change is possible. That’s where I am right now. I’m focusing on myself first, focusing on my family, making sure that family and everything is family.”
What is Paratha doing now?
Parata shares her kōrero publicly through Facebook and TikTok.
Besides talking about her life, she also documents her weight loss journey and works out regularly to inspire others.
She’s involved in a movement group called DMC, which stands for Dedication, Drive and Change, and runs a business from home that makes and sells clothing under her eponymous brand.
Her life today is very different from the circumstances she experienced in her early years, and she left a final message for those who are walking the same dark path she once walked.
“I think you know, we have to dig deep, we really have to dig deep. I know the struggle out there is real. I know a lot of our families are in pain, I know that.
“We just need to love each other more, we need to support each other more, stop judging each other, lend a helping hand, stop bringing people down when they’re down.
“Look inside yourself. It’s all up to you. It’s your choice. But is this the life you really want? Are you happy? Is your family OK? Are your children OK? “We can be the change for them. It’s up to us. Let’s be the change for them for our generation.”
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