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Written by: Dr. Nancy Alvarez
I am glad to know that more and more men are willing to grow up. To do this, they must overcome a series of stupid and meaningless myths in this age of the Internet and globalization. Walter Riso said this in his book Masculine Intimacies:
“Although male power has moved from the caveman club to the executive briefcase, for many men and women physical strength remains an important requirement of masculinity. Rather than Twiggy, this belief can produce in young men a disorder opposite to female anorexia but equally serious, Charles Atlas. Many male adolescents exhibit serious self-esteem and self-image problems because they see themselves as weak, too thin, or too far from the traditional “strong” mold: “I want to have more back,” “I want to be thicker”… The syllogism is clear, albeit false: “Real men must be strong, and strength lies in the muscles.” I am not physically developed enough, so I am not very manly and attractive.”
This drives them to dive into the gym and go anabolic even when it’s detrimental to their health. Women have a certain responsibility. By melting in front of muscular bodies, we continue to value the very male strength we criticize. And the strong and chiseled arms, the Spartacus-like back, the bravery, the confidence, the determination, the dictatorship and the domination…
It wasn’t until we got married that these “qualities” became unbearable. We didn’t fully understand that demanding such from men was a way of socializing and upbringing them to be inhumane, harsh, cold and distant. To please society, family and women, men suffered and got used to inappropriate behavior, they became emotionally illiterate. Although the situation has improved, society still has a certain disdain for male weakness. A man should be able to resist physical and psychological pain, be brave and strong; but at the same time we expect him to be gentle, understanding and loving.
It is worth noting that these male “qualities” are disastrous for couples. Relationships are built on intimacy. To achieve this, we must be vulnerable, naked inside and out, express our emotions and communicate, be tolerant and understanding, respect each other’s worldview, and learn to share power.
Based on what we teach our employees, are we preparing them well? I don’t think so. Still, physical strength is not necessary, quite the opposite. Among other things, firmness and honesty have nothing to do with authoritarianism.
Photo: Nancy Álvarez
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