“Anxiety and overthinking have taken over my social relationships. Please help!”

Hi Haya,

Lately, I’ve been struggling with overthinking, thinking more than usual, and about everything—especially things related to social interactions. I’ve been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder for the past five years or so, but my overthinking has gotten to the point where social interactions make me question whether I’m being awkward or wrong, or if what I’m saying makes sense.

I was emotionally very self-critical and replayed all the interactions throughout the day and especially at night until I fell asleep from exhaustion. During the day I felt like I wanted to disappear and not talk to anyone so I wouldn’t make a fool of myself.

I understand that this feeling stems from low self-esteem and fear of being socially excluded. Because of this, I have always had a hard time initiating romantic interactions with people I like. When I like someone, I close myself off, which makes me feel miserable and lonely.

Please help me out as I have been meeting someone I like regularly in a public place but have no idea how to interact?

— Compulsive Overthinker

Dear Compulsive Overthinker,

Navigating social interactions can be challenging, especially when you have generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). Overthinking and self-doubt are common struggles you may experience.

Below, I’ve listed various therapeutic strategies to help you control overthinking and enhance your social interactions, especially with people you like.

First, it’s crucial to validate your feelings. Acknowledging that your emotions and thoughts are legitimate is fundamental to managing them. Overthinking often stems from anxiety and low self-esteem, so practicing self-compassion is essential. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would treat a friend in a similar situation.

To combat negative thought patterns, I encourage you to try cognitive restructuring. This involves challenging the negative thoughts that fuel your anxiety. Ask yourself:

• What evidence supports or refutes this idea?
• Is there any other way to look at this situation?
• What would I say to a friend in my situation?

Another effective technique is to stop thinking. When you find yourself in a state of overthinking, use physical or mental cues to interrupt the cycle. For example, say “stop” out loud or imagine a stop sign, and then redirect your attention to a more constructive activity.

I would also encourage behavioral strategies. Gradual exposure to social situations can help reduce anxiety over time. Start with less intimidating interactions and slowly progress to more challenging ones. For example, have a brief conversation with someone you know or participate in a less stressful group activity.

Being prepared can also ease anxiety. Practice what you might say or do during a social interaction, either alone or with a trusted friend. Setting realistic goals for your interactions, such as saying hello or asking a simple question, can also help. Celebrate these small successes to build confidence.

When you have chronic anxiety, the physical symptoms can be intense and require attention and management. In addition to regular exercise, incorporate relaxation techniques into your daily routine, such as deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or mindfulness meditation. These practices can help reduce overall anxiety and make it easier to manage your thoughts. Additionally, getting good sleep by establishing a consistent bedtime routine and creating a calming environment can significantly improve your ability to cope with anxiety.

To improve social skills, communicating openly about your experiences with someone you trust can give you peace of mind and new perspective. Having a support system is invaluable when dealing with anxiety. During social interactions, focus on staying present. Rather than worrying about how others might perceive you, focus on the conversation and the person you are talking to. Mindfulness practices can help you stay grounded in the present moment.

It is strongly recommended to continue or begin treatment with a mental health professional who specializes in treating anxiety disorders. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for treating overthinking and social anxiety.

In terms of romantic interactions, start with small, friendly gestures when interacting with someone you like. Smile, make eye contact, and engage in light conversation. As you become more comfortable, you can gradually increase the depth of your interactions. Remember, it’s okay to be imperfect. People tend to appreciate authenticity more than perfection.

By incorporating these strategies into your daily life, you can gradually reduce overthinking and improve your social interactions. Progress takes time, and it’s okay to take small steps toward your goals. By asking for help, you’ve shown a great deal of awareness and courage, which is an important first step toward positive change.

– hurry up

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate wellness strategist and trainer specializing in creating wellness-focused organizational cultures and raising awareness about mental health.

Send her your questions (email protected)

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