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Disclaimer: I do not believe in cheating and I follow what the Bible says about marriage.
Most marriages are affected by extramarital affairs, but few studies have looked at the sociocultural and psychological factors that facilitate and sustain extramarital affairs. We’ve all heard the negative stereotypes about mistresses: gold diggers, marriage destroyers, and sources of sexually transmitted infections. However, there is an alternative view. Believe it or not, mistresses can actually play a role in strengthening marriages. Despite moral and cultural taboos against promiscuity and adultery, there are positive aspects to their involvement. Here is a unique view that mistresses are an important factor in strengthening marriages.
Picture this: A man has had a tough day at work. He comes home to see his tired wife, dressed in her usual cozy house clothes, greeting him with a simple “hello” or “welcome.” There’s a sense of familiarity and security in their marriage, but sometimes that can lead to complacency. The husband loves his wife dearly, but after a stressful day at work, he may be feeling a little irritated—not because of her, but because of external pressures.
The mistress brings him another kind of comfort. When he visits her, she welcomes him warmly and perhaps kisses him on the lips. She takes off his coat, sits him down, and starts talking about his day. Her scent, smooth lips, and attentive manner make him feel valued and heard. She massages his feet, pours him a drink, and maintains an appearance designed to impress.
The encounter allows him to vent his frustrations and feel pampered without the usual family pressures. The mistress doesn’t nag or question him, and he doesn’t need to remember special dates. It’s a purely physical relationship, and he can indulge in fantasies that he might find too embarrassing to share with his wife.
After spending time with his mistress, he left feeling content, relaxed, and stress-free. When he returned home, he was in a better mood, more patient, and less bothered by the day. His wife also benefited from his improved behavior, and their marriage remained stable.
While the mistress may wish to replace the wife, the fact is that the wife is still his true love. The wife is busy with housework and is often too tired to focus in the bedroom, so the husband’s sex life indirectly benefits the wife. The husband is more attentive and less stressed, which can make family life more harmonious.
A study in Lubumbashi (Democratic Republic of Congo) found that many happily married men had mistresses to whom they were emotionally attached. These men found true romantic love in these relationships and an escape from the boredom of everyday life. At the same time, wives, who often felt neglected, also indirectly benefited from their husbands’ improved moods.
Of course, cheating is not good or moral. But in complex relationships, sometimes unexpected dynamics can help keep a marriage going.
“Married men, don’t celebrate. I’m single and answerable to no one. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t be writing this.”
By Douglas Leroy Namafont
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