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I’ve learned a lot in my 21 years of restaurant reviewing, including 17 years as a New Jersey MonthlyFor me (and for New Jersey’Like any other food-loving critic, hope springs eternal: Garden State restaurants are capable of brilliance, and we celebrate those moments often.
Still, I never leave my dining experience to chance. I make it my mission to shape my (anonymous) dining experiences and give restaurants every chance to perform well. That requires some conscious action. My bottom line advice to you, dear eater: Take control. Passive dining leads to mediocrity. Here’s how I pave the way for a great meal.
Avoid what Anthony Bourdain called “Amateur Night.” On Saturday nights, from 6 to 9 p.m., restaurants are in chaos. This is when stress levels are highest, kitchens are overloaded, and servers are overburdened, which means you won’t get the best service possible. Your dish may not be hot, or it may not be to order, or it may not arrive in a timely or coordinated manner. Your server may have a hard time maintaining the pace, attention, and courtesy you deserve. Not to mention, the restaurant will Loud.
But don’t worry: There’s no need to abandon your Saturday night ritual entirely. The pros’ solution? Go before the crowds. Most New Jersey restaurants, whether casual or fancy, open around 4, 4:30, or 5 p.m. each day. At this time, even on a Saturday, the atmosphere is relaxed; the kitchen and servers are relaxed and focused; and the food is at its freshest. By the time the restaurant is full at 6:30, you’ll have been able to enjoy most of your meal in peace—and with dessert if you like!
Select the type of seat you would like. It’s best to reserve by phone, with a clear and detailed request for a table or booth that suits your preferences, whether it’s quiet and secluded or right in the middle of all the action. If you reserve online, call the restaurant afterward to confirm your seating choice. (I’ve found that seating requests made online rarely make it to the hostess’ desk.)
How do you ensure you get a “good” table? First, you probably don’t want to sit in the side dining room (usually upstairs) that’s open on weekends; it’s usually—but not always—packed with people and parties. There’s a mix of good and bad tables in the main dining room. Good tables feel intimate and cozy, if only a little bit. Good tables are in corners, by windows, or in booths. But even the best-looking spots can be problematic: in weird, harsh lighting; in a position to hear every word spoken in the room; too close to the kitchen (where you can hear the sound of falling cutlery); in the air conditioning at full blast; next to a busy bathroom hallway; or next to a service counter where the lax staff is laughing. Depending on the night, it could also be next to an elusive toddler (watch out for strollers!) or a preschooler playing a blaring iPad game. I adamantly refuse to sit next to large parties, who tend to shout across large tables and get louder as the drinks keep flowing.
When you arrive, please mention your previous request when you are greeted. If someone takes you to a table that’s not what you want, ask to see other available tables – they won’t turn you down. If you want to see the restaurant once you’re in (you can do this unaccompanied), look at the tables near the bar; these are often cozy, especially in smaller restaurants. If you spot a perfect table that’s open, ask for it. Or, if a nice table has a menu or the table is eating dessert, offer to wait.
Once you’re seated at your ideal table, address any worries. Don’t dismiss reasonable requests from managers or servers because the environment is inappropriate. If the room is cold or the music is ridiculously loud, or your table is lit like a police interrogation room, politely ask if adjustments can be made.
Don’t settle for the rush. When your server brings you the menu and reads out the daily specials, if you really want a leisurely, unhurried dinner, say so. Your server will know that you are a diner who will not be pushed by management to “turn things around.” On the other hand, if you need to leave before a certain time, speak up, too.
That’s it! Next time you dine out, you’ll feel totally comfortable. Stay tuned for a follow-up article on this restaurant critic’s trade secrets: How to order the best food and drinks at a restaurant.
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