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This is not a secret. This is a fact. After a long and powerful process, your heart and mind agree that now is the time to speak with complete honesty. It requires empathy, courage, and love so that in an age of overexposure to digital platforms and media judgement, people choose to be vulnerable and break established social patterns to be free.
he Ecuadorian singer John Vera Premiered last week closet, She wrote the song two years ago after seeing a psychologist for treatment. He claims the lyrics are the most sincere in his repertoire and speak to his most intimate experiences.
He does not aspire to be a role model, he wants to give strength to those who have not yet found the path to acceptance. The 28-year-old actor, whom the newspaper interviewed in Miami, the American city where he lives, has received a large number of messages of support through his social networks.
closet It’s a declaration of independence in song, so why release it now?
It’s the most personal song I’ve ever written. I did it two years ago when I came out of therapy, and it was in the afternoon. I had a writing session that evening, and I was in that project where I was making a lot of music, and I wanted to make a song that had a lot of energy.
I want to make it clear that I wasn’t hiding myself or trying to be someone else. I’ve always been this way, and this was a process of exploring and daring to be myself a little bit over the years. That’s what it was about. I was with three straight songwriters at the time, and actually, I didn’t feel like they connected to me because of what I was going through at the time. I shared with them what I was talking about with my therapist, which was that it wasn’t about how I needed to feel or what I wanted to talk about, but about having to meet the expectations of everything your family tells you, what they expect of you. That’s why he said, “How can they talk about something they’ve never experienced?” I started showing the song to my circle, my partner at the time, and it blew away a very special friend, and she started sharing details with me because it was so close, and I didn’t know her.
“The song goes: “I haven’t known for a long time who I’m singing to, I am who I am and I’ve always been who I am.”
The song is very conversational, and I told them (the composers) that I had been writing songs for a long time but I had no connection. The theme of everything is empathy and love, and it applies to everything, not just this issue but to all those people who are meeting expectations that are not theirs, and it’s very tiring.
The power of the song is that you start a conversation by the end of it. I’ve always wanted to keep my life private, but there’s something here that goes beyond the song or the person I’m dating. We’re talking about finding the words to express how we feel. It’s also the anger and criticism that I expressed in that letter to my little John. Everybody asks me, “Are you going to come out then?” I hate it because I’ve never been there. I hope that in the years to come, people can do that without having to leave anywhere.
When did you accept yourself?
I’m a very free person and have no problem being myself, and this happened when I was a kid. And the process on my side was this. I put my hands on my chest and said I would be with whoever I wanted to be with because if I felt that way, I would do it. It was like this until I was 22. It seemed important to me to remove those taboos about what you can or can’t do because it’s very feminine or very masculine. Everything ends up being transformed into extremes. Sometimes, by running away from your feelings, you end up with someone you don’t love and are unhappy with. Sadly, people limit it to issues of sexual organs.
Would you define yourself as gay or bisexual?
I want to remove the definition. Let them give me whatever they want because I don’t know what’s going to happen. I repeat, this is not new, I’ve been doing this for seven years and it’s a process of understanding myself and understanding what’s going on. I can turn that into self-love and after I have self-love I can love whoever I want.
Have you talked to your parents?
Of course, that was years ago, long before the video came out. I was very clear that I would talk to my parents when there was someone worthy, and it wasn’t about gender. I… I did go out with women before, and I wouldn’t introduce them if it wasn’t serious. I was in a relationship and I wanted to share with them, also because I felt very disconnected and alienated from them. I had that conversation two years ago and it was the opposite, which was a stronger disconnect. He understands the process and has to respect it. I think parental support is very important, and we’re still doing well, and they accept me, but they don’t do it completely. People get a lot of “Do whatever you want, but don’t bring me anything” messages.
What happened to your parents on the day the song premiered?
I had already talked to them a few days before, and they talked for a long time, saying that it would ruin the game, that it would not turn out well, and that they should not be involved. On the day of the premiere, we had dinner together, but we did not talk about this topic; I did not want them to see that my parents were not good, and eventually this fear turned into pressure from society. This is what the song means, that I have to live or try to please others, even if it does not feel good for me. I feel like I am a child again, and I am alone (…). I hope to connect with everyone in a more personal way through this song and this album.
Do you feel rejected?
Of course, I think it’s really important to talk about this because the message is, “Do what you want in the privacy of your life while everything is hidden and ‘closed.’ They don’t accept you. They tell you, “Do what you want, but don’t make me a part of it.” The real message behind that is, “There’s something wrong with you, don’t make me a part of it.” It’s even worse because it creates a sense of being accepted in a certain way. That’s what hurts the most.
Did your relationship with them break down?
It’s sad because they accept me, but they don’t accept this side, so the conclusion is no. That’s what we’re discussing here. If you love someone, you accept them completely, as a whole person. In the sentence “How parents choose to lose their children”, I mean that I feel like they lost me in the disconnection, which means I can’t share with them, this disconnection and strongness. It’s a delicate topic for everyone, and I hope the subsequent outcome is calm and positive, and love is greater than fear.
Have you ever been subjected to any pressure or blackmail during your relationship?
A few years ago, the pictures got to my cousins and people who follow me. Seriously, in my life, I go out on dates, party, and I don’t limit myself. I’ve had pictures taken in gay clubs, but I haven’t had any problems. It’s not like I’m just starting to live now.
After everything that had happened, who was John?
John is a free man (he is full of confidence and smiles, which also makes us happy), he is happy, who knows that he came to this world to make art, he came to change this world, he will not be silent. Now I can not only defend myself, but also those who are going through this and who will seek peace and happiness.
His first EP
“Clóset” is part of the songs on the EP “Nothing Matters Real”. In this work comes “Cielo”, one of his previous singles, in which he left traces of his next album. “In “Cielo” I tell a complete story. In which John falls in love, gives in and begins to discover this new side of sexuality, this freedom, this joy, and Clóset is acceptance.”
Are you in love now?
It’s complicated at the moment because it is, but it’s not (laughs). I don’t know, I don’t know what I’m doing, that’s another topic.
Are you in love with the person the lyrics are talking about? Xiluo?
I can’t say (laughs again).
What other stories will you reveal to us in the EP?
Nothing Matters is really a journey of self-discovery and understanding that ultimately nothing is certain. When you listen to the whole EP, you’ll see some ballads. I love writing when I’m sad or upset, but this is what’s special because each story is so personal and honest, and they’re situations that happen in all relationships. The EP ends with this motto, which is a reminder for me: “Time heals everything, everything passes, and nothing really matters.” Nothing has changed, and it’s not that I’m a new artist now; it’s that I’m a new artist now. Now I’m freer and more honest.
Ricky Martin also expressed his support to you…
He knew it, he had seen the video before, he knew the song, he gave me advice, I was moved by the video that was posted on Despierta América. He is one of my idols, I admire his career, I also want to have a career like this. (Yo)
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