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My elderly parents no longer want their children and grandchildren around – what should I do?

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My elderly parents no longer want their children and grandchildren around – what should I do?

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Dear Abby: My parents are in their 70s. They live in a retirement community. As they age, they become more private. They no longer want their children or grandchildren around. Recently, I got a call telling me they will no longer answer their phones. I’ve been to their house, but they won’t open the door. What little relationship I had with them is gone. Any advice? —– Want to connect

Dear Wishes: You cannot force a parent to engage in unwanted contact. If you are concerned about their well-being, contact the police and ask them to have a health check because their behaviour has changed. However, if everything is fine, you will have to accept that this is what your parents want and comply with their choice, difficult as it may be.

Dear Abby: I recently watched a video where Rozanne S., founder of Overeaters Anonymous, told her story about starting the program and her own struggles with food. In the video, she mentioned that your mother played a big role in getting the word out about OA to the public and was responsible for the growth of the program.

Abby, OA has saved my life and I am grateful to Rozanne and your mother. After 39 years on the program, I have lost 120 pounds from my peak weight. I am now a healthy weight and have been for most of the past 39 years. In addition to the weight loss, my life has become sane, free, and healthy. I came here just to lose weight, but the clarity I have gained through the 12 steps is the most important thing in my life.

I am glad that I don’t have to rely on medication to help me lose weight, and I have found that working on my inner self helps get my outer weight back to normal. My only regret is that more people don’t know about this program and still believe that the solution is to “lose weight.”

The preface to my first OA book went something like this: “Being thin doesn’t make you good, but being good makes you thin.” Today, I love myself for who I am—something I never thought I would do before. — Joe A., Houston, Texas

Dear Joe, Thank you for your letter. I remember my mother’s interest in Overeaters Anonymous and her respect for the founder. I once had the pleasure of meeting Roxanne, a lovely lady. I’m sure most of us know that people eat for reasons that have nothing to do with physical hunger.

The flood of diet pills available has worked like a miracle for some (so far). However, for those who want a more conservative approach or can’t tolerate the side effects of these drugs or afford the cost, Overeaters Anonymous may offer a successful path to weight loss.

There are more than 6,500 OA meetings in 77 countries around the world. This includes 2,500 virtual meetings that take place at almost any time of the day around the world. Readers, if you are interested, you can find more information about Overeaters Anonymous at OA.org. As with any 12-step program, there are no membership dues, but donations are welcome.

Dear Abby was created by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. You can contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com Or mail to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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