Dear Abby: Friendship with boss takes an emotional toll

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Dear Abby: 15 years ago, my partner and I moved to a new neighborhood and met a neighbor who impressed us with his kindness and generosity. When this neighbor learned that I was unemployed, his influence helped me secure a position at his company.

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However, in the workplace, this neighbor showed a manipulative, arrogant, treacherous and narrow-minded character, often using foul language to irritate colleagues and scold them to pieces. He was simply the embodiment of a dual personality.

After a decade of his tyranny and the suicide of a colleague he had ruthlessly entangled, I accepted a position with another company and later retired to another state. Since then, he has contacted me regularly, saying that he missed us as neighbors and friends and wanted to visit us.

While working for his company has made it financially possible for us to make future plans that were previously beyond our reach, I cannot place gratitude above the memory of the mental abuse he inflicted on me and my coworkers.

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My work there has negatively impacted my health, and I don’t want to relive the experience just to feed his ego. My partner says I can handle it for a few days. Am I wrong? – Arizona Indecisive

Dear Hesitant: When your former boss asks for a visit, politely decline. If he continues to ask, that would be the time to have a frank conversation with him. When (if) the subject comes up, express that while he was nice to you personally, his tirade and the fact that he nearly drove a coworker to suicide were the reasons you left the company, and that’s why you don’t want him to visit.

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Dear Abby: My husband of 25 years and I have become political opponents over the past few years. We watch different news networks and media outlets. It has become increasingly difficult to have any conversation with him that doesn’t involve politics.

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As a result, I avoided talking to him about anything, which put a strain on our marriage. I also preferred to attend social events alone because he would bring up his political views in even the most casual conversations with people I had just met.

Do you have any suggestions on how to fix this? I don’t think things will get better after the election, no matter what the outcome. — Opposition in Houston, Texas

Dear Other Party: Marriages can fail because spouses have different beliefs about what is important, which creates an unbridgeable divide between them. In most marriages, some level of compromise can be reached. If you and your husband have difficulty in this area, marriage counseling may help you figure out how to handle your political differences. If you can’t do that, then you and your husband will have to make some difficult decisions.

— Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. You can contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com Or mail to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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