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How do you balance day-to-day service and sacrifice with sustainable self-care and well-being?
On Monday 23 and Tuesday 24 September at the Tavai Resort on Aitutaki, Cook Islands Solutions will be hosting a virtue retreat thanks to a grant from the Social Impact Fund, focusing on the needs of those on the front lines of community care, whether that be chaplains, educators, probation officers, sheriffs, health teams or general leaders. How do you balance day in and day out service and sacrifice with sustainable self-care and wellbeing?
Two distinguished New Zealand-based presenters will present virtue-based strategies using a cultural approach. Professional development credits are available for this session. Details will be announced soon.
One of the themes of the retreat was healing the multi-generational trauma that affects most of us. How can we use our traditional values and beliefs to help us move from violence to virtue, from shame to nobility? How can we harvest the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)? If we plant just three of these fruits—love, joy, and peace—we can transform our lives at work and at home.
Trauma exists across generations, it’s a fact of life. All of us, except for a privileged few (although I’ve never met anyone like that), have experienced abuse in some form or another, from verbal to physical to emotional. Hurtful people hurt others. If the people who raised us were violent to us, it becomes the norm, and we begin to believe that unless we discipline our children harshly, they will be spoiled.
That’s right! While firmness is important, there are far more effective ways to correct and guide children than verbal abuse and corporal punishment. If the person raising children hits them regularly, hitting them is pointless – it must be avoided at all costs, and it often leads to them lying out of fear of harsh punishment. It’s easy to act out in anger. When we were subjected to violence as children, we felt helpless. Now, when our children don’t listen to us, they also evoke this feeling of helplessness. And so the cycle continues.
What we really want is for our children to bear spiritual fruit in teachable moments and to use our authority in the service of our children’s learning. What if those who perpetrate domestic violence practiced just two virtues—gentleness toward their spouses and self-control to avoid excessive drinking?
What about caregivers in the community? They often fall into empathy, fatigue, or burnout. We have fully developed the fruits of generosity. What if we added love to create self-care and self-control to practice moderation? Virtue strategies, such as setting clear boundaries for ourselves to protect our health and well-being, go a long way toward making us too happy to be stressed.
For more information on retreats, please contact me meritsdiva@gmail.com
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