How When You Know You Know

Explain this phrase and its usage (with examples)

You’ve probably heard the popular saying “When you know, you know” in conversations, on social media, or even in hit songs like Lana Del Rey’s “Margaret.” But what does this common phrase mean? Is there any truth to it? If you’re wondering about the answers to these questions, look no further! We’ve compiled a complete guide to the phrase “When you know, you know” including its definition, usage, and whether or not it’s accurate. Read on to find out everything you need to know!

The saying “When you know, you know” refers to the fact that you will intuitively know when you have found “the one.” Many people use this saying to explain their strong feeling that their partner is the right one. People also use this saying to describe their intuition about major decisions.

This proverb means that when you are with the right person, you will know it. In other words, when you have found the person you will end up with, your intuition will tell you so and remove all your doubts. This is about true love and Find Your Soul Mate.
- The phrase has become more popular thanks to Lana Del Rey’s love song “Margaret (feat. Bleachers)”, which recently went viral on TikTok.
- In the song’s chorus, Lana repeatedly sings “When you know you know” to describe the certainty that Bleachers frontman Jack Antonoff felt when he met his wife, Margaret Qualley.⁽¹⁾
People use this phrase to express their certainty that they have found the one. This certainty often goes beyond rational thought – it is more like a “gut feeling,” or a strong intuition. People who use this saying are simply Know They believe they have found the right person, even when there is no clear or obvious reason to support this belief. Here are some examples:
- “None of my friends understood why I would move across the country for someone I had just met, but when you know, you know. I took the leap and now we’ve been together for five years.”
- “After he proposed, we jumped in the car and drove to Las Vegas to elope. When you know it, you know it, and there’s no time to waste.”
- “I kept asking my mom how she knew my dad was ‘the one,’ but she just said ‘when you know, you know.’ I don’t think I’ve ever had that certain feeling about someone!”
- “When you know, you know! Saying yes to him was the easiest decision I’ve ever made and I’m so happy to be marrying my best friend.”
“When you know, you know” can also be used in a non-romantic context. Many people use this phrase to describe their gut feeling when making a big decision, or their gut feeling that something is destined to happen. For example:
- “For a while, Georgetown was my dream school, but when I visited UCLA, I immediately felt that this was where I was destined to be. After that, I never thought about Georgetown again. I guess when you know, you know!”
- “A lot of people warned me not to start a business with my best friend, but I felt really good about us starting a business together and now we’re thriving. When you know, you know, I’m glad I trusted my instincts.”
- “I toured a lot of beautiful apartments, but for some reason, none of them felt right to me. I kept searching, and when I walked into a little apartment on the west side, I immediately felt at home. I signed the lease right away. When you know, you know.”

It really depends on the individual. Many people swear by the wisdom of this adage and believe it accurately describes their experiences. For others, this quote can trigger anxiety and raise difficult questions like, “If I’m not 100% sure about my partner, does that mean they’re not the right one for me?” or “How do I know if I’m the right person for you?”
- If you fall into the latter category, don’t worry! It’s completely normal to have doubts and questions sometimes, especially in the early stages of a relationship.
- Over time, with some effort and patience, your sense of certainty will grow. As Lana Del Rey sings in “Margaret,” “If you don’t know, don’t give up, ’cause you never know what a new day will bring. Maybe tomorrow you’ll know.”⁽²⁾
- If you’re really concerned about whether or not you’re in the right relationship, there are some signs you can look out for, which we’ll cover below.

You handle conflict well. Conflict is completely natural and inevitable in a relationship. What matters is that you and your partner Dealing with Conflict In a healthy way.⁽³⁾ Do you give each other the silent treatment? Do you name-call and criticize each other? Or do you speak openly and forgivingly in a loving way? Being able to resolve conflict is key to a healthy relationship, so if you and your partner are good at it, you’ll have a good chance of standing the test of time.⁽⁴⁾
You share common values. You don’t have to agree on everything, but it’s important to agree on the big things. Do you have similar moral codes? Do you share a common vision of an ideal relationship? Do you agree on whether or not you should have children? If your core values and major life goals align, that’s a surefire sign that your relationship is the right one.⁽⁵⁾
You accept them for who they are, and vice versa. In a happy, healthy relationship, neither party should be pressuring the other to change fundamental aspects of themselves. If you appreciate and respect your partner, and they feel the same way about you, it’s a sure sign that you two are the right people for each other.⁽⁶⁾
You can imagine a future with them. If you can easily imagine yourself living with this person, that’s a good sign.⁽⁷⁾ When you imagine your life in a few months or years, can you imagine your partner still being there? Can you see yourself eventually moving in with them, or even getting married? If you can answer “yes” to any of these questions, this person might be the one for you!