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Dr. Rumpf has studied data from the Magellan mission, which used radar to peer through Venus’s thick clouds. “Cooking a turkey on Venus is like cooking it in the worst possible pressure cooker. The surface temperature is about 865°F (462°C) and the pressure is 95 bar, which is about the same as it is 1 km below the ocean! Pressure cookers on Earth cook food by increasing the pressure to 2 bar and the temperature to ~250°F (121°C). The pressure and temperature are so extreme that when the specially designed Venera 8 spacecraft landed on the surface of Venus in 1972, it only lasted about an hour before being destroyed. So a turkey on the surface of Venus would be charred and crushed after just a few minutes of exposure. On the bright side, this would probably make it into turkey jerky, and the sulfur in the atmosphere would help preserve it. So, in reality, Venus would turn your turkey into pretty gross jerky!”
Moon Turkey with Moon Cheese
Physicist Lori Pigue uses the Diviner Lunar Radiometer Experiment (Diviner) aboard the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter. Diviner has been taking thermal images of the Moon since 2009, allowing us to measure temperatures across the lunar surface almost continuously over many years. The Moon does not have a thick atmosphere like Earth’s, which insulates our surface and protects us from the harsh conditions of space. This means that the Moon’s temperatures fluctuate widely, from extremely high maximums during the day to extremely low minimums during the night.
“Well, regardless of the fact that the water may evaporate immediately, you’re going to have a very dry turkey anyway, and it’s going to be very difficult to find the right temperature to cook the turkey,” Dr. Pigue explained. “You need to make sure it cooks in a container because the intense cosmic and solar radiation will cause the skin of the turkey to crisp up before the inside warms up.”
Temperatures on the moon can reach as high as 278°F (136°C), which is unbearably hot for humans but not great for cooking a turkey. This is a daytime high, which is basically the highest temperature of the day. The moon won’t stay that hot for long, and since there’s no atmosphere to trap heat, it’s likely that temperatures will start to drop quickly as afternoon and evening approach.
Now, let’s go deep into the solar system and enjoy one last turkey.
Turkey from Hell: Cooking a Turkey on Jupiter’s Moon Io
Io is the most volcanically active body in the solar system, so there’s plenty of heat. But there are some unique challenges to contend with. Research geologist Laszlo Kestay has some experience cooking with lava while studying an eruption at Kilauea in Hawaii. (Note: Do not attempt or get close to active lava.Low point). It turns out that flowing lava is just too hot. “When I tried to cook popcorn, the layer close to the lava would burn, some in the middle would pop, but the topmost part wouldn’t get hot,” Lazlo explained. “I did manage to hang a steak in a crack with hot lava at the bottom, and it cooked the steak pretty well,” Dr. Kestai continued. So if you can find a natural, oven-like crater (which geologists call a honeytower), you might be in luck. Of course, trying to get a turkey in (and out of) an active crater can be a bit irritating, and you’ll probably singe a few eyebrows.
Maybe you could cook on a volcano, but Io presents some extra challenges. There’s no atmosphere here, aside from the odor of noxious, acidic volcanic gases. Those gases give your turkey a lovely sulfurous smell and taste. Away from the hot lava, it’s extremely cold here, almost as cold as liquid nitrogen. So, your turkey will be frozen solid on the table and fall apart when you try to cut it. But you wouldn’t want to have a long dinner anyway, as the intense radiation from high-energy particles accelerated by Jupiter’s magnetic field would kill you quickly. Still, it’s an amazing sight, with Jupiter’s swirling storm clouds looming huge in the sky and sulfur dioxide snow falling from huge umbrella-shaped volcanic plumes.
Hell beauty!
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