A father is not just a breadwinner, he is also an influence on life | Direction | Magazine

In the Movies chocolate (2000), Little Anouk (actress Victor Tivesor) is the daughter of a single mother who is being punished for a fight with another child. During a confession, the boy tells him that he heard from his mother that Anouk has no father. Undeterred, the girl replies, “Of course he does, I just don’t know who he is.”

Lack Good relationship with father For children, young people and adults, living without this in mind can be an eyesore.

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Sometimes someone else must step in to ease the absence. A mother, a grandfather, an uncle, a brother, a teacher. Believers immediately identify their connection to God as the cure for emotional discomfort.

Some men wonder how they can be a good father if they don’t have someone with this trait.

“You don’t necessarily become a bad father because you had a bad father, and you don’t necessarily become a good father because you had a good father,” Oscar Nieto Baquet, clinical psychologist. “Let’s not judge what is good or bad, but focus on this understanding: A father is the one who gives life. Whatever he does next, good or bad.”

This is in contrast to statements such asA father is the one who raises his children.“. Nieto explained his thinking: Becoming a father is not a question of morality but of order. And it is true. “Without fathers, sons have no chance to be born.” He added that resentment and moral judgments have no place. “If we allow them to happen, they generate frustration, anger and pain. Only a man who takes on the responsibility of being a father can be a better father to his children. “Whoever rejects the Father has no power to hold that position.”

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This strength, he continued, manifests itself in a deep sense of self-love, leadership, responsibility and protection, security, self-respect, calm and, most importantly, peace. “A society where men take away their fathers is a society where peace is the fundamental pillar of survival.”

A society filled with anger, violence, chaos, and abuse is not the children without fathers, but the children who reject fathers for various reasons. “Without the child there is no father,” the therapist said. Some children become insecure, uncommitted, and disloyal.

“Only by having the Father in their hearts can they overcome these flaws. That is why we say with our hearts: “Dad, I open my heart to you, I thank you for my life, I say yes to everything, as it was and is now; I took my life from you at the price you paid and I pay it now. I will honor you with all my strength and with all my heart. “

Can the image of a father make up for the absence of a father? “We don’t need a father figure. We need a father, the only, true father. The one that Mom chose.” For grandchildren, Society needs a balance between male and female energy. Not patriarchy, because addiction, psychotic behavior and violence all stem from that. “We need orders to take away fathers, and fathers who are supported by the community (…). There is no other way. The destruction of the family and society is our unfortunate fate as we continue: Attack women and overestimate men.”

What is masculinity? Experts say it is the peace, strength and tenderness of a man who is calm, confident, a leader, and has high self-esteem. It is found in the arms of my father. “If my father were not here or had never been here, I would hug him in my heart and say: Yes, Dad. And by the way, thank you”.

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He believes the traditional role of a father has changed Mario Albán R. is a professor at the School of Psychology at the International University of Ecuador (UIDE). Usually, the legal responsibilities are those who provide and bear the responsibility. More and more fathers and mothers also share this.

“In the process of raising a child, both the father and the mother are indispensable. In order to understand the world, the other is necessary; without the existence of this other, the child cannot define himself as a unique being and at the same time have similarities with those around him.

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Together, the father and mother help prepare the child so that he or she can form relationships and make decisions, including whom he or she trusts or does not trust. “Children learn by imitation. If you have a father who can express his emotions, you expect the same from the child, and vice versa, if a father cannot express his emotions, he is stuck in the classic pattern of “putting up with the wall”, and you cannot expect “the child to be someone who can satisfactorily interpret the emotions of others.”

How to prepare to be a father? Don’t fall into extremes (authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful). “We are currently seeing parents being overly permissive, which is understandable given that in other generations stricter parents are more common; to compensate for this lack of flexibility some parents do not set limits for their children, which results in children with few or no social skills.”

Alban also warned against wanting perfection in children, whether it be grades or school performance. “Each child learns at his or her own pace.”

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• Adopting a collaborative parenting approach, All family members are involved.
• Validate your child’s emotions. The expression of emotion, the possibility of making mistakes.
• Understand the needs of children and their satisfaction. Family activities “If they understand that, they can get better guidance.”

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Spend quality time together! “Many times, a busy job or separation as a couple can mean less time to share with your children,” advises Alban, but if you understand your child’s needs, you’ll be able to work with them on activities that will help them develop.

The absence of fathers can lead to mothers having to fulfill two roles at the same time. Spouses raising children together can reduce the impact of workload. “It is possible to be both a father and a mother at the same time,” the psychologist believes, “but obviously it becomes a more demanding activity for the person facing this situation.” In addition, the child will inevitably question the mother (or single father) and compare his situation to others. However, it is possible to reach an understanding. “The child needs to be honest about his family members not being around.”

For women, How do you know how to choose a good father for your child? Oddly, psychologist Nieto doesn’t recommend focusing on the candidates first. “Look inward and repair his relationship with his father. And consider that the man you welcome into your life will also honor, respect and appreciate his father. There is no other way,” he insisted. “Any other way is misleading and will have repercussions for relationships, children and every aspect of life.” (F)