Mastering the Art of Conversation: How to Develop Social Skills and Improve the Quality of Our Lives

Editorial in El País
This seems to be self-evident, but The vast majority Human Very interactive and others. As always, there are exceptions, but The benefits and characteristics of being alone They will stay for further explanation.

For most people, contact with others Even life expectancy has increased. But as we all know, making the connections that give meaning to the future is not always easy.
Psychologist Fanny BergerIn his more than four decades of work, he has seen countless times the difficulties that seemingly trivial and simple things, such as taking the initiative to call someone, or sending a message or text, can cause someone.

According to Berger’s explanation, these fears often have underlying causes that must be investigated during the treatment process to discover them and start treating them from there.

Sometimes, the professionals added, the mere fact of identifying and addressing these anxieties “revealed” social skills the patient didn’t know they had. But other times, all that was needed was “a little nudge” into the social arena.

One of the moments that could be more DistressingFor anyone, it is Approaching an unknown person And start talking to him. With so much technology intermediating these days, “face to face” seems easier, but come on: “Hello, how are you?” A message box or Whatsapp screen is as mundane as a general mention of the weather or the latest football results in some public place (the other person doesn’t have to share your enthusiasm).

So it can be it works —Not giving it a utilitarian or instrumentalist aspect— Know some tricks When you need it say With someone.

Before I go on: This note is not about talking about deep topics. Few people expect intimate confessions when they are out and exposed in social situations. Instead, it is what is known in English as “small talk”. Not silly trivia, nor your life story.

• See opportunities, not troubles.
  True, sometimes it can be annoying when someone wants to chat. But ask yourself: “Do I have to do something right now that would prevent me from talking to this person?” If the answer is yes, apologize kindly but firmly and move on. But if not, this can be a great opportunity not only to get to know someone, but also to “improve” your conversation skills (again: don’t go the other way and instruct the person who approaches you to exchange only a few words). “It can be uncomfortable at first, but as you engage in these kinds of conversations more and more, your confidence will grow,” says Gillian Sandstrom, professor of psychology at the University of Sussex (England).
• Be as specific as possible.
  Few people tend to talk about the weather in general terms, unless you happen to be someone who studies meteorology. Motivational coach Adam Smiley, author of several books on the subject, such as Friendship in the Age of Loneliness, suggests trying to focus on specific topics. If the person you want to confront has a T-shirt with a band logo on it, you could ask them questions related to that band. If she dresses like someone who exercises regularly, start the conversation with a related topic. However, avoid making comments about the other person’s appearance unless it’s a “light” compliment without any lewd content.
• Are there any common themes?
  For example, if someone is wearing a sports team badge, that can be a good conversation starter. The “smaller” the team, the better. There are too many Nacional or Peñarol fans. Likewise, if someone has Jean-Paul Sartre’s face on a T-shirt, and you only know three or four things about the famous French philosopher, that’s even better.
• Active Listening.
  When the other person has finished speaking, don’t think about what you were going to say, but listen to what the other person said. For example, if you are talking about a topic and the other person deviates from it and tells you, for example, that they are from a certain department outside of Montevideo, ask about this question instead of immediately trying to return to the previous conversation. That person is sharing details of their life, which already tells you something: on the contrary, they don’t find the conversation boring. Also, pay attention to body language and facial expressions. They can be very revealing of the other person’s attitude and emotions.
• Give the other party a “way out”
  It’s best not to make people feel like they have to respond to everything, or that they have to keep talking just because. Sometimes a short conversation won’t last more than a few minutes, and that’s fine: let’s move on to something else. There are plenty of other people in the world, and there’s no reason to obsess over one person. Another option is to give the other person a way out by saying that everything is fine, but you have to go away to respond to something important. It’s best not to wait until the other person wants to engage in a conversation.