Ruta Mave: Seizing opportunities in fleeting moments

Time is money, tick tock. We spend time, take time, give time, over and over again. If we invest time, do we get more back later than we put in? Ruta Mave writes.

When you save time, can you save it for later? When you take time out, where does it come from? How do you use your free time? Does free time really exist?

They say time heals all, I say the heel of time digs deep into the bone marrow and prevents change. Maybe in time I will be proven wrong, hopefully before I lose time or run out of time.

What I know is: time does not wait for men, but it will stop for a moment for women in their forties.

I recently spent time in Auckland with my son and daughter, both now in their twenties, with one of them travelling overseas soon. I wanted to drive to Rotorua and have a great time with them, creating memories, rafting, horse riding, sledding and hot springs. We were passing through Tokoroa on the way back to visit my aunt and uncle who are in their eighties and we would go to the Hobbiton movie set.

It’s been eight years since we last went to London and Paris together for weddings. Back then they relied on me for everything, now they have their own funds and can drive me around – without driving me crazy. Living overseas away from my family means I make sure to visit them as often as possible, even if it’s just for a short time, because time is a commodity that can never be regained. No matter how much time you save; how much time you save by taking shortcuts on your way to work or using time-saving devices, it’s not time you can use when you get a call that your mum or dad is getting old and may not live much longer.

When you need time most to get out there urgently, to capture those last important moments with them before they pass away, they are not there, they do not exist. You waste minutes standing in line, stuck in traffic, waiting for late employees to open doors, answer the phone, or process your urgent request to leave immediately.

I choose to invest time and money to create memories in the small moments over tea and toast, when everyone is relaxed, engaged, and clear-headed, we all have our own memories.

When I learned that their grandfather, who was in his 90s, had been briefly hospitalized, I asked them if they wanted to change our schedule to visit him.

Time is changing rapidly and opportunities are always there. You can make the most of your time and make time for others so that you are not marking time and watching them sleep without realizing your existence.

I don’t want them to feel guilty about not having time to visit their grandparents because their future life will be less than their past life.

When you are young and your life starts to move in all sorts of adventurous directions, it is easy to lose sight of time, thinking there will always be another time to catch up. Unfortunately, there is nothing more frustrating than regretting time that you can never get back, reclaim, or reuse.

We drove from Auckland to Feilding in a small car, which took eight hours. They talked for three hours, then I picked them up and we drove back to Auckland. No exciting activities, no new adventures or challenges, no external prompts to create conversations, feelings or capture magical moments with a camera.

It was raining and there was traffic. We were tied into the car, facing forward, and it was hard to make eye contact. Along the way, we stayed together in a small hotel room, eating takeout and trying to watch Netflix before falling asleep. No fancy restaurants, no dressing up, no posing for photos. Was my precious time wasted? No.

My goal was to spend time with the kids, and I did. Despite the crowded conditions, we had a great time together. We talked about our lives, experiences, thoughts, and opinions. We laughed and teased each other, reminiscing about great memories from our youth and long ago. I watched the kids interact and get along, which was a rare opportunity for me, and I cherished this time because I know they have a great relationship and will always be there for each other.

Of all the memories created during our time together, I treasure that they had time to create even more memories with each other, and I may not have been a part of it, but I have done my part to allow them to enjoy their time together – realizing that it was time well spent.