Why does “almost something” sometimes hurt us more than the person we’re in a committed relationship with?

Pamela Avendaño/El Tiempo GDA
The so-called “almost” are usually those people with whom we have interacted. Intimate Relationships has a connection that looks like one Romantic Relationshipsbut it has not yet been formalized.

However, they often share moments that can be considered typical couple.

At the end of this type relationpeople usually enter a stage of mourning and questioning, because they are not sure whether this is a couple Or the origin of feelings of discord and sadness.

Olga Fernández Velilla La Puerta, a psychologist who specializes in family and couple relationships, explains that “not having experienced the situation allows us to fantasize, and this fantasy after a breakup means imagining the relationship in a different way.” Perfect”.

Although people are not idealized and the “rules of the game” are clear, in many cases infatuation It’s inevitable, for psychotherapist and sexologist Diana Sanchez, and is both neurological and hormonal in nature.

“Falling in love is characterised by a neurohormonal state in which there is a filter through which we focus only on the positive aspects of the other person. The elevated state of endorphins and oxytocin means we don’t notice other kinds of things.”

Sexologist and relationship expert Valeria DeBotas, who works with Bumble, mentions that there are a few key factors that will determine whether or not you have “almost something,” and it comes in two stages:

Initial interest: Signs of affection are shown in both digital and real environments.

transparency: Communication is frequent and the sharing of personal aspects creates a sense of exclusivity.

illusion: The perception of emotional connection is heightened.

distance: this Frequency communicate Reduced, the other party may become more distant, using the idea of ​​”flow” to justify their behavior.

Emotional stress: Uncertainty and distance Anxiety and doubtwhich can lead to negative thoughts and critical self-evaluations.

Intermittent: Another person occasionally reappears, perpetuating the cycle of chaos.

yes rupture They usually cause a lot Sorrow and painso it takes time and acceptance to overcome it.

The first thing you have to do is to have an internal dialogue and think about what you really want. Well, there were a few times when he was able to observe the toll that staying in the relationship was taking on him because it wasn’t what he wanted.

Likewise, you must talk to other people about your feelings and the breakup, and you can turn to friends, family, or even professionals for help.

The most important thing is time and patience because this is a process and you have to take your time to adjust to this new reality.