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Ariel Goldfarb/GDA Nation
“Just because he’s smaller doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the ability to feel. We all have emotions,” said psychologist Milena Gonzalez.
Graduated from the University of Manizales, Colombia with a master’s degree in psychology Emotional Intelligence From the University of Valencia, he is an expert in trauma, attachment, family systems and child and adolescent psychotherapy.
Drawing on nearly 20 years of experience in Spain and Latin America, he wrote the Family Problem Solving Guide Childhood sadness” and the book Confident Parenting , in which she explores secure attachment and child mental health.
In a recent speech, he talked about “Sharon Syndrome,” noting the importance of overcoming this tendency to face problems alone.
He stressed Seek support Collaboration is essential for personal growth and learning. “Our children are inviting us to break free of that syndrome so that we can truly recognize that we need each other to grow, learn and improve ourselves,” he added.
Since the relevant part of his work focuses on Positive DisciplineGonzalez explained that the concept is an educational and philosophical approach, Promoting respect and well-being “It encourages the learning of social-emotional skills, allowing boys and girls to not only receive instruction but become the protagonists in developing their own skills, with dads, moms and other caregivers acting as life coaches,” he noted.
He added that the model teaches adults that visible behavior is only a small part and represents only 20% of reality. “80% is driven by hidden factors that are not obvious to the naked eye, as shown in the iceberg metaphor,” he said.
In meeting the children’s expectations, Gonzalez proposed Six key points parents should consider to meet their emotional and developmental needsThese principles will not only help foster healthier relationships, but also contribute to a more harmonious, effective family environment:
1. Correction in private
Gonzalez stressed the importance of correcting children privately to avoid embarrassing them. “It is of utmost importance that when correcting, we do not expose it to others to ensure that the learning is constructive and respectful,” he explained.
2. Tranquility
One of the main expectations for children is to observe how to remain calm in dysregulatory situations. Gonzalez believes that parents must demonstrate calmness through their own behavior and serve as role models for staying calm during stressful times.
3. Avoid shouting and swearing
Gonzalez stressed that children prefer an environment without yelling and swearing. Although it may be difficult to stay calm when you are upset, it is crucial to avoid overreacting.
4. Fix conflict moments
If screaming occurs, it must be repaired. Gonzalez stresses the importance of learning to make amends for these moments, making sure kids understand the value of apologizing and resolving conflict.
5. Respect and Dignity
Children should be treated with the same respect as any other person. Gonzalez stressed that by treating children with the same dignity as adults, overreactions to small mistakes, such as accidental spills, can be avoided.
6. Teach the positive side
Finally, Gonzalez recommends focusing on what kids can and should do, rather than just what they shouldn’t do. “Without realizing it, by focusing on what we don’t want them to do, we are enabling and amplifying that behavior. If my words are a barrier for them, it’s important to examine how I communicate to make sure the message is clear and effective. We have to focus on what we want our kids to do, not just what they shouldn’t do,” he concluded.
In the field of children’s mental health, where children also face anxiety and distress, the CARE technique is mentioned. “This is an acronym that I included in my book Confident Parenting to emphasize that taking care of not only the physical health of children, but also their mental and emotional health is key to their success in life. It is important to understand the origins of this methodology, which was born in response to a growing need. Childhood stress This is often overlooked,” he explains.
The psychology graduate stressed that although people often associate stress from exams and new experiences with teenagers, childhood stress is often underestimated. In adult cognition, people mistakenly believe that children have no reason to feel worried, which actually deprives them of valid and meaningful emotional experiences, just like adults. “Just because he is smaller, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the ability to feel. We all have emotions,” he stressed.
For González, the death of a loved one or entering a new school can also cause stress for children. “When children have problems with their peers at school, this can lead to stress. The same is true for academic workloads,” he points out. He emphasizes that it is unthinkable for adults to bring work home, but there is no doubt that children must also do their homework at home after twelve hours in school: “We do demand the right of adults to do homework. Go home and cut off contact with the outside world, but with children, it is more difficult for us to see this.”
Another aspect to consider, he mentions, is when children lose interest in activities that previously excited them. This can be reflected in their ability to manage emotions, with their moods and behaviors changing dramatically: “On a psychological level, we can notice setbacks in their behavior, for example, a child no longer bites or hits, “and suddenly it starts biting and hitting again.”
The famous “psycho mom” explains that regression can be observed in sphincter control and rejection of classmates, teachers and caregivers. In addition, he notes that on a physical level, these changes manifest themselves in stomach pain, weight loss, decreased appetite and even frequent nightmares.
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